Back in February I had the awesome opportunity to be apart of a mentoring program called Apples of Gold at my church. It was a Bible study in which the first half of the night involved cooking lessons (which lets face it, I desperately need) and the second half discussed a topic related to marriage. We even were partnered with a seasoned woman in the study, my partner was the wife of my absolutely FAVORITE Bible professor in undergrad! I learned a lot through this class, and it was great to have ladies to lift me up in prayer as I was seeking a job placement. One of the last nights I shared about a job offer, and how excited I was to have a job again. My “golden apple” confronted me gently, reminding me that I already have a job. I said “I know.”
But even during that class, I didn’t get it.
I didn’t get it till I’d needed to resign from my first career job unexpectedly, and was wrestling with God in my lack of purpose. That day that I had a “moment” with God while on the treadmill, He also opened my eyes to the ministry of loving and supporting my husband. It blatantly smacked me in the face, that I have an incredible about of purpose right now, always, because I am the only person in a position to love, support, and take care of my husband.
My undergraduate degree in women’s ministry taught me to understand my theological position in marriage. Upon marriage I sought to work on my attitude and ensure that I respected my husband. In our first few years I’d guilt myself over the house being clean, because it was my pride in role as wife that was a steak. Then, I realized I could glorify God in these chores, and it wouldn’t be about me. Finally, I’ve come to see that my role as a wife is a gift. In intentionally nurturing my husband’s heart (much the way that mommy bloggers like to intentionally focus on guiding their children) I can help him reach all the people that he interacts with.
Ever since then I’ve been more intentional as a wife. In hindsight, husband’s job has been ridiculously stressful with added work, so its been beneficial that I didn’t have my own job’s stress to throw at him. Instead, I’ve been able to focus on doing things like preparing our meals, chores, anything to try and make this place a sanctuary for him.
One of my biggest challenges is speaking appropriately when I’m stressed. So I have to purposely calm my voice and tone, focus on his needs, and rephrase my requests.
Another thing is even though I wait for my favorite person to come home so I can spend time with him, sometimes I need to sacrifice my needs, to give him the space that he needs when he leaves the office.
This month the stress and work has even been worse. Like he was already working so hard and another coworker pulled him aside and told him to prepare for worse. (This was also the same day that we learned that a pet knocked over water on my laptop–killing it, so then needing to fork out $600 on another one :-/).
It was neat to be able to come aside him, to ask him what he needed, how I could help support him. In my guilt I promised to not nag him for the week. He teased if this could be a life time deal. (haha I try!)
I definitely wouldn’t say that I have “arrived”. I’m still incredibly selfish, always want to eat the last item of something, want help with chores, and want the world to revolve around my needs. However, it has been awesome to watch this sense of peace and stability really resonate in our relationship :0).